As with many things in life, we are often our own worst enemies. These seven habits are like kryptonite to the partisan warrior and must be painstakingly avoided.

1. BECOMING OVERLY EMOTIONAL

There’s nothing more counterproductive to your cause—or costly to your metaphysical wellbeing— than becoming emotionally unraveled in the middle of an argument. If you’re experiencing heart palpitations, developing blurred vision, or emitting cartoon steam from your nostrils while your opponent is sitting there stone-faced, you’re not winning. Keep your rage in check at all times, and don’t take things personally.

2. OOZING CONDESCENSION

Even if you believe you’re talking to a breathtakingly misguided ignoramus, conceal it. If you patronize or belittle your opponents, they’ll only dig in their heels. They’ll also think that you’re a sanctimonious, pompous wanker.

3. SPEWING HATEFUL INVECTIVE

There’s nothing wrong with using hard-charging rhetoric and sharp-edged words, but if you want to be persuasive, you need to stop short of savage insults, epithets, and ridiculously inflammatory rhetoric (e.g., calling Republicans Nazis or crazed, totalitarian, bigoted fascists). Many media bloviators have built entire careers on hysterical diatribes, but that only works when you’re preaching to the choir. Back on planet Earth, you’ll never succeed in making a winning argument if you come off as a raging misanthrope.

4. INVENTING FACTS ON THE FLY

If you don’t have the facts on hand to back up your argument, don’t make them up. The facts will eventually catch up with you, and you’ll be exposed as the fraud that you are.

5. LUMPING UNRELATED ISSUES TOGETHER

Nothing screams political sophistication like a protest to save the whales, get out of Iraq, shut down the IMF, stop the sale of genetically modified yams, and impeach Bush. Pick one issue or cause at a time and, for the love of logic, stay on message.

6. BECOMING CONSPIRATORIAL

It’s tempting to believe there are sinister conservative forces engaged in grand, diabolical schemes (e.g., the Bush administration orchestrated 9/11, bin Laden is a CIA operative, and Dick Cheney is an evil cyborg). Don’t bother going there. There are plenty of good arguments to make without bringing in the vast conspiracy of little green men on the grassy knoll. And besides, as anyone who has worked in government will tell you, the government isn’t competent enough to pull off a decent conspiracy.

7. PICKING FIGHTS WITH OTHER LIBERALS

There’s no denying that some liberals are utterly clueless and need a good smack in the head, but why do conservatives’ dirty work for them? Nothing is more self-defeating than expending valuable energy tussling with another liberal while you both lose sight of the bigger picture. If you engage in partisan fratricide instead of focusing on the battles that really matter, you’ll be helping the enemy divide and conquer.

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